When You Think it's All For Not

I'm sitting on my bed, I can hear my children playing outside on the swings through my bedroom window.  I can see a pile of dirty laundry at the foot of my bed, and am certain the carpet underneath hasn't been vacuumed in ages.  I have secluded myself to the bedroom, to give me ten minutes to think, plan and unwind.  I know I cannot really run away, but the dishes, the dirty dogs, and the mountain of clean laundry in my living room has to wait.

The last 6 months of my family's life has been pretty chaotic.  I have been working as much as possible these last few months.  I don't know what for anymore.  The more I work, the more I have left to do, and the less I am a good mother.  I know everyone has a crap ton of stuff to do, to accomplish, to finish, but really why do we put ourselves through it all?  My one goal is to be here for my kids.  I'm sucking at it. 

On the bright side, it has allowed us to get back "on top" sorta speak.  Is anyone really ever on top?  I mean, we've had extra cash to buy to extra shit, which we didn't need, or realize we wanted until the extra cash showed up, and now we still have nothing really to show for it.  I would rather have the time back. 

I have been given a couple new oppurtunitys recently, and have gotten over the moon excited about them.  However, starting, and completing them have been a major stress.  So, are they really good?  I know in life you have to work for what you want, but, if it makes you a mad women, is it essential?

Anyways, on the bright side, my two middle children have been accepted into a home school program!!  I am so excited!  Next year I will have 3 of my wonders in a program that allows them to be a part of a schooling environment, and a "home school" environment!  I have been trying for this for years, and to see it so close, makes me smile, makes me see that some of this hard work is essential, and it helps to keep focus on why we do the extras we do.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, it's just unfortunate that we never know if we have entered the Montreal tunnel, or a quick overpass.

So Exhausted

Please be warned this is not a pick me up sorta post.  This is just me.  Just tired, and just hoping to wake up a bit before work. 

So, we've been under a bit of a financial crunch recently.  I don't want to get into details, sometimes when shit hits, it's the runny not so fun kind, and rehashing the stuff is just as bad as going through it the first time.  Anyways, I am normally a stay-at-home-momma, I have recently gotten a "part-time" sales job to help balance life a little.  I am lucky to be able to do this and help my family, but I am feeling so drained.  I still have my placenta work, and my part time midwife data entry work, and now, to top it off, I am actually working about 30+ hours a week.  My oldest, as you know is part homeschooled, so she is actually become resident babysitter so that I can accomidate the stupid hours.  My son, who is almost 10, has taken on the role of side kick sitter and occasional house keeper (along with hubby & oldest daughter), to help the burden.  My Shea (third child), is regressing.  She has always been a mommas gal, but I have noticed recently that she has ended up in bed with me more often in the past month then the last 3 years.  I know she misses me.  I miss her.  My littlest, Clover, is such a happy go lucky kid.  She was pretty pissed at me today though.  We haven't done our girls thing in so long she is starting to hate me.  Well, maybe not hate, but she was so hurt that we couldn't go for a bikeride this afternoon.  I hate that feeling.  When I know my kids need me, the reason I became a stay at home mommy, my heart breaks leaving the house everyday.

Actually, after writing this, I am feeling so lucky.  Still tired, still drained, and emotionally pulled, but lucky.  My kids have all come together really, to look after each other and me.  And, when, in a time that many people still face unemployment, my useless skills still can come in handy.

End pitty fest. 

Breakfast Television Segment is Now Online!!!

Oh My Goodness!!  So, as my husband was working this morning, my little brother drove me to my interview this morning.  Here is a quick run down of my day:

5:30am - Alarm
5:35am - Hair/Make up
6:00am - Drink too many cups of coffee
6:20am - Review Notes (none of which I was asked)
6:30am - Convince myself not to vomit (I was nervous)
6:40am - Drive to City TV
7:15am - We arrived and parked (actually, we drove around the parking lot 4 times trying to find the perfect spot for my brothers sweet Tacoma)
7:35am - Wait......
7:50am - Walk up to studio
8:00am - Arrive, check in
8:10am - Pee (Still nervous)
8:12am - Wait.....  We actually discussed breastfeeding, baby's, and all things birth!  Good times!!
8:30am - Meet Ryan (Interviewer)
8:34am - Wait......
8:44am - Live to air........

Here is the finished segment.  Please share the love!!

Placenta Pills

8:55am - Go home

I have had numerous responses to this mornings interview.  So much thanks going out to all who support this and share the info.  Once again, if you are looking for further information on my placenta services please see SuperMomma Placenta Services - Placenta Edmonton

Breakfast Television Segment

Tomorrow I have a quick segment on BT Edmonton!  I am pretty pumped.  I am pretty nervous as well.  I have never done anything like this, so I am as confused on what I am to wear to what info is really important!  There is so much I can say about what placentas have done over the past 1000 years, and what they currently do. 

I need to breath.  One breath at a time.  I am excited to say also that one of my recent clients will be on the show as well with her 6 week old.  It is going to be wonderful to have support there.

I am hoping that bringing it to television media will help our local mothers learn more on what placenta encapsulation is all about.  And, more so, to show the public that it is not a gross thing, to take some of the taboo away from it.  Education is key!

I will also be bringing along sample capsules and art.  I think promoting the beauty of the placenta will also open peoples eyes regarding how sacred this process is.

Anyways, I will hopefully be able to post a link to the segment tomorrow.  And I will catch you up on just how great it was (fingers crossed).

Here is a link to BT in case you're wondering.  The segment starts at 8:40am!!

A Letter to My Oldest

I have to start off by saying a happy belated birthday to my oldest daughter.  My oldest child actually.  Her birthday was last week, she turned 14.  Fourteen!  I have a 14 year old.  It baffles me still.  And it boggled me when she turned 10, and it stunned me at 5... It goes on.  I never thought about her growing up when she was born, I never thought she would be such a wonderful young women, and I never thought she would be my best friend. 

Don't get me wrong, I do have other "best friends",my mother,  my high school class mates, my random chance/instant connections, and of course, my husband.  But, really, when it comes right down to it, my daughter really gets me.  When I am having a bad day, she has always been able to tell me to smile, and get over it.  With a hug.  When I'm being a bitch, she tells me, and always has.  And, when I have over stepped my parental boundaries, she will let me know.  When we have an argument, we really have an argument.  We yell, and we've slapped each other, and we've done the silent treatment, and then we've cried, and hugged, and moved onto the next thing.  The funny thing is, is that it has always and forever will be that way. 

I believe in an after life and a previous life, and spirits....  I know that her and I have been together many times before.  Maybe not in our exact relationship, maybe as sisters, girlfriends, maybe she was even my mother, but we have been together so long, that we can think each others thoughts, and answer each others questions with out ever asking them. 

As I have mentioned before, I had her so very young.  I don't think we ever really had a traditional mother/daughter relationship.  As a baby I consulted her on everything, what clothes she would wear, what crayons she wanted, what stories she liked, what meals I made, what guys I dated.  I think with how busy life gets being a grown up, we as parents don't always stop to think of what our children prefer or think about.  With Winnie, she was my everything, and I wanted her to know how special she was, so she had input on everything.  I only had her.

I guess, getting back to the purpose of this post, is, with having her, there are so many things I never thought I would do.  I never thought I would get an education, I had to.  I never thought I would fall in love again, I have.  I never thought I would be a good mother, I am, and I have four children now to be a good mother for.  

Winnie may not realize it, but when I talk about mothers being strong, and how women need more support, and how families should work together, and how there are so many ways for mothers to bond with their newborns, and about birthing and breastfeeding and positive postpartums, I do it for her.  I want her to understand how all these things make life valuable.  How all these things can make the future a brighter place, is for her.

Really though, for now, all these things are small, compared to glancing at my daughter, from the corner of my eye, and seeing her help her siblings.  And even smaller, is the quiet times we now get together.  The serious conversations we have watching 1980's Degrassi, and the laughs we share while playing cards. It's all the small things that make it so very good.

Feb 2012
I love you my Angel!!

Share Some Placenta Love

As I was getting ready for bed last night, and checking the Facebook world, I noticed an alarming thing; more and more people are getting their placenta pictures removed.  WTF.  What is so seriously wrong with people that a natural, beautiful part of life, is also now being sensored.  I love placentas!  If you have ever had the chance to hold one, you would be awestruck at the simplistic beauty.  The colours are vibrant, reds and blues.  The stretching of veins and arteries from the cord insertion, sprawling across the organ, as if reaching to grow and inspire and give life.  Who are we to hide that?  The birth of your child will be the most memorable and life altering experience that you will ever take part in, and to me, it only makes sense to be a little humbled by the placenta that kept that child alive.  Many cultures honour and revere the placenta, even being considered the baby's protector.  How, when we try to post one little picture, are we being obscene, vulgar or violent?

But, before I start my point, please stop by and sign this petition to facebook.  This was started by PBi founder, Jodi Selander.
I have to send much love to these beautiful blogs/pages Mrs. BWF, Job Description: Mommy & Earthside Birth Phography.  They are just some of the few that have had pictures deleted &/or been "banned" from facebook.

Now, as I am of a curious nature, I want to play a little game, to see why these pictures are being deleted.  I want to see if we can find the vulgarity in them.

Let's start with this one.  Tell me what is gross about this? 



Wait, maybe I missed something.  Maybe I am blinded by the limbs of love crawling over the surface.  Let's try another picture.

Mmmmmmm, well, maybe the blood could be a little alarming.  Although, I think I've seen more blood from a cat scratch or a pound of raw hamburger.  Ok, and I know I'm a little biased.  I see beauty.  Let's give this shot a go, I mean, there has to be something obscene or else pictures wouldn't be getting deleted, and people wouldn't be getting banned.  Right?

Nope, sorry, I still don't get it.  Oh well.  I don't think I care to get it.  I do care, though, to show support for the people out there who have been "banned" for showing pictures, the people who have had their precious pictures deleted, and for all the mothers, fathers, families & birth professionals who want to promote healthy birthing practices by showing the placenta.

That's my two cents.  Thanks for listening.

Oh, before I forget, I have one more photo to show you.  I think this one will be the kicker, it will definetly be the one to prove that your baby's lifeline is violent.

My First Published Article & I Turned 30!!

Okay, so as I mentioned a few weeks back, I am being published in a local mag.  Urban Infant to be exact.  So, I figure why not put it on here.  Here is a link to the article, page 11.  Urban Infant Winter 2012  Let me know what you think.

Now on to a little more fun stuff!

Jan 8th, I turned 30!  I was anxious and excited all at the same time for this.  I am not good with my birthdays. 

I was a young mother, and enjoyed very much being a young mother, after I had come to grips with it.  Being a young mother is difficult.  Actually, let me  rephrase, it is different.  My oldest arrived 3 weeks after my 16th birthday.  I had a lot to overcome, to "prove" that I was a good and competent mother.  There are struggles with being a young parent that, when you are 25 you never need to think of.

However, when you are 25, you also have challenges.  You are still coming to terms with your body, your self worth in society, and within yourself.  Many people at 25 are only starting a family, just figuring out where life is taking them, just finding a compatible mate!

For me, today, I am excited!  I honestly, woke up on my birthday, feeling wonderful.  I am so excited to be in an age and country where I can do anything, and I am at an age where I really feel that I can do everything. 

My placenta business is doing fabulous.  I am overwhelmed with all the positive feedback that I have gotten from clients.  And, more over, something the people who contact me don't realize, is that from each placenta I do, I feel honoured. 

I am confident.  I am confident to know that it is OK for me to make mistakes, to own my limitations.  I am confident to know that when I make mistakes, I will learn by them.  I am confident in my mothering "skills", even though I don't always know what I am doing.....  I think most importantly, I am confident, that life will always be alright.