I try everyday to hop on the thing. Just to see how well I am doing. Or not doing. I hate it. I hate getting on it, it telling me to stay still, it analysing me, and how I get so disappointed when it tells me I've gained 2oz and then asks me to explain why I've gained 2 damn oz. Probably cause I ate too many fricken cookies, or didn't eat enough fiber to combat the cookies. And all for what? Why do I really care what it says?
Probably, because, over the years I've had too many assholes (read: media, family, friends, exes.....) in my life convincing me that my weight will make me a good, happy, beautiful person.
I have 4 children, three of which are girls. How do I show them that I am a good, strong, intelligent women, when what I show them revolves around how big my thighs look in yoga pants. First off, no one looks good in yoga pants. Sorry, no one. I really don't care if you can run a marathon, and have been training your entire life, yoga pants leave nothing to the imagination, and should be worn around the house only. I'm sure, some look better than others in yoga pants, but it should not be considered dress up attire. Never the less, what is it that I teach my girls? I believe that I try and teach them to live a healthy life, that they are smart, and beautiful for what ever they are. But, how stupid is that when my focus, for so many years of my life, has been to be skinny.
Not many people know, but when my husband met me almost 12 years ago, I was very small, like gross small. I was bulimic, actually. And, still, I remember way back when, that I would look in the mirror, and see fat. I look at those pics now, and see a sick little girl. I was only 18. If, I hadn't met my husband way back then, I don't know if I would have ever gotten over it. He loved me, for whatever reason, for whatever way I was. And, has since seen me through many a pant size, without complaint.
I have realized over the last year though, that my body, is perfect. I still like to exercise, and I would love to tone up a bit, but otherwise, I am what I am meant to be. I want to be strong enough to play with my kids. Which, in all honesty is more about gaining marathon like endurance.
I am not a swimmer, and do not like swim suits. However, I must brag a little, I bought one this summer, AND wore it to the beach!! My kids were so excited to have me by the water with them. It was something I totally took for granted, and never realised how much I had missed. It was always Daddy with them, I usually just hung out on the sidelines. I completely forgot about trying to suck in! I enjoyed my children. My hubby later told me he was proud that I had come out with them. He said "the kids really loved having you play today. They don't ever look at you and think fat, they look at you and think "Mommy"". And, that was so right. Your children will never look at you in a negative way, until you start to ingrain in them negative thoughts.
I feel, like, we should be teaching our children more about being a considerate person to others, and less about what the new spring fashion is going to be. My girls love to play dress up, and they love to have their nails painted, but that's fine, I think. They understand that you can live life without it. And, it's not just about teaching our daughters to love themselves. It's about teaching our sons to be respectful, and to love how they are too. I am hoping my boy grows up to be a man much like his father.
I will still get on the Wii. But, I don't put as much faith in as I used too. I have never really been over weight, as with most women who put undue stress on themselves. I have no idea what it is like to be to an unhealthy point. With kids though, we should all try and lead by example. We don't need to be on the cover of a magazine to be a good role model.
