When You Think it's All For Not

I'm sitting on my bed, I can hear my children playing outside on the swings through my bedroom window.  I can see a pile of dirty laundry at the foot of my bed, and am certain the carpet underneath hasn't been vacuumed in ages.  I have secluded myself to the bedroom, to give me ten minutes to think, plan and unwind.  I know I cannot really run away, but the dishes, the dirty dogs, and the mountain of clean laundry in my living room has to wait.

The last 6 months of my family's life has been pretty chaotic.  I have been working as much as possible these last few months.  I don't know what for anymore.  The more I work, the more I have left to do, and the less I am a good mother.  I know everyone has a crap ton of stuff to do, to accomplish, to finish, but really why do we put ourselves through it all?  My one goal is to be here for my kids.  I'm sucking at it. 

On the bright side, it has allowed us to get back "on top" sorta speak.  Is anyone really ever on top?  I mean, we've had extra cash to buy to extra shit, which we didn't need, or realize we wanted until the extra cash showed up, and now we still have nothing really to show for it.  I would rather have the time back. 

I have been given a couple new oppurtunitys recently, and have gotten over the moon excited about them.  However, starting, and completing them have been a major stress.  So, are they really good?  I know in life you have to work for what you want, but, if it makes you a mad women, is it essential?

Anyways, on the bright side, my two middle children have been accepted into a home school program!!  I am so excited!  Next year I will have 3 of my wonders in a program that allows them to be a part of a schooling environment, and a "home school" environment!  I have been trying for this for years, and to see it so close, makes me smile, makes me see that some of this hard work is essential, and it helps to keep focus on why we do the extras we do.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, it's just unfortunate that we never know if we have entered the Montreal tunnel, or a quick overpass.