So Exhausted

Please be warned this is not a pick me up sorta post.  This is just me.  Just tired, and just hoping to wake up a bit before work. 

So, we've been under a bit of a financial crunch recently.  I don't want to get into details, sometimes when shit hits, it's the runny not so fun kind, and rehashing the stuff is just as bad as going through it the first time.  Anyways, I am normally a stay-at-home-momma, I have recently gotten a "part-time" sales job to help balance life a little.  I am lucky to be able to do this and help my family, but I am feeling so drained.  I still have my placenta work, and my part time midwife data entry work, and now, to top it off, I am actually working about 30+ hours a week.  My oldest, as you know is part homeschooled, so she is actually become resident babysitter so that I can accomidate the stupid hours.  My son, who is almost 10, has taken on the role of side kick sitter and occasional house keeper (along with hubby & oldest daughter), to help the burden.  My Shea (third child), is regressing.  She has always been a mommas gal, but I have noticed recently that she has ended up in bed with me more often in the past month then the last 3 years.  I know she misses me.  I miss her.  My littlest, Clover, is such a happy go lucky kid.  She was pretty pissed at me today though.  We haven't done our girls thing in so long she is starting to hate me.  Well, maybe not hate, but she was so hurt that we couldn't go for a bikeride this afternoon.  I hate that feeling.  When I know my kids need me, the reason I became a stay at home mommy, my heart breaks leaving the house everyday.

Actually, after writing this, I am feeling so lucky.  Still tired, still drained, and emotionally pulled, but lucky.  My kids have all come together really, to look after each other and me.  And, when, in a time that many people still face unemployment, my useless skills still can come in handy.

End pitty fest.